For a moment, I wish I could stop time. Really, I wish I could.
It's both ironic and sad , as I look back on how eager I was to finish the AusMat program; and now that I am done with it, I feel like the world's most ungrateful person.
All I ever did the whole time was complain non-stop about how stressed up I was and how bitchy this test or paper was, and the whole time I was drowning in self pity and frustration.
Budak ni pandai nak complain jerr. Complain, complain dan terus complain.
Well, I've been rather snobbish haven't I ? In fact, my treatment towards you, AusMat, has been rather harsh.
Well, news flash. I'm making up for all those times I so cruelly put you down, and making you sound like the worst thing on this planet.
In fact, I'm beginning to realize that you were pretty much the best thing that ever happened in
my life.
Firstly, had it not been for you, I would never have had the chance to solidify my hopes of studying abroad. When I was young, the only thing I was capable of was hoping, and praying real hard that somehow, all my hard work , and all the effort I put in my studies would lead to something greater. That somehow, giving everything I had would finally lead me to my dream. So once I finally discovered what it is I really wanted, I knew that the only thing left between me and that fragment of my imagination was to give my all throughout this 1.5 years.
So then I thought, hey, 1.5 years isn't long. Just be patient and eventually, the moment will come for you. Eventually you'll be done with intec and you'll be set free.
Ironic.
Although the 1.5 years was a really short period of time, I can honestly say that I grew up a whole lot more. Hopefully, i've learnt the meaning of maturity. AusMat really taught to never give up, no matter how rough things get.
Because of you AusMat, I learnt to really strive for the results I wanted , to push myself to stay up just a little bit longer just so I could get a clearer view on the subject. Yes, I can really say I forced my heart,nerve,sinew, spirit and mind into doing my very best. I will also be the first to tell you that I consider myself to be amongst the average students.
But. I will say that i'm not ashamed, because I know I have done my best, and that I never gave up hope and I kept fighting for my dreams, although there were times where I felt like I couldn't hang on anymore.
AusMat. You taught to me to be strong you know that?
For the first time in my life, I feel like these days I'm more of a leader instead of just a follower. For starters, I directed a musical which I am so insanely proud of .
The people I get to see everyday, the cast and the crew of Grease, I want you all to know that you've won first place in my heart, because you taught me that it is possible to balance studies and handle events such as this. You taught me how important it was to laugh and how to work with each other.
You taught me how to really let loose at times when I got stressed up. So thank you for always being there for me. Because you made a difference, you made me a more holistic person.
You helped me find my voice, to speak up a little ( pfft. a lot. ) more , and you taught me how important it was to stand out in a crowd. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
To all my amazing friends in AusMat 20, and especially my classmates of Aussie 10 and SPHY 3, thank you. Thank you for sharing all the beautiful and not-so-beautiful memories with me. You, have truly made a difference in my lives, because by meeting people from all walks of life, I learnt to see the world in different ways. There were things I didn't have that others had; and at the same time there were people who lacked the things I had.
You taught me how important it was not to judge, and not to stereotype people based on their appearance. Indeed, a valuable lesson, and not one I will forget easily. I'm also very grateful that people did not try to judge me based on how I look , or on what I am. They love me for who I am. And for that , my endless gratitude. So, again, thank you .
You also reinforced how important it was for us to be colour blind.
:).
Yes, you really did. Because here in AusMat, I truly believe, that regardless of race, creed or religion, everyone gave their everything in examinations, especially in the SACE exam. We all worked and strived real hard to acheive one goal in mind: to fly to Australia/ New Zealand. When you get people who fight fearlessly to protect their dream and pursue their hopes, let me tell you something; its fire. A burning flame in everyone's heart, to go all the way and go past the limits.
It's fire, and it burns ever so brightly.
Well, I can honestly say straight from the heart that my classmates were a major driving force for me to do my very best in exams. After all, that's how AusMat works isn't it? It's all about how well you perform in a group, its about teamwork and moving forward together. No man is an island, and you dear classmates made me realise that even more. I will never forget those who helped me out when I faced a problem in a subject, and I will always treasure how together, we would try our hardest to crack our heads to figure out a solution to the question.
The best part was when we finally got and understood the answer. A gratifying moment yes?
I shall never forget all those crazy moments we shared, all the laughter, the hardships.
Life's the stage, and we were the actors. And I must say, I thought we delivered a knockout performance.
I saved the best for last, dear reader.
To both my housemates and my best friends, you know you guys deserve the loudest, most resounding applause. You've been there for me all along to deal with all the drama, to accompany me for dinner, lunch and breakfast. I seriously don't know what I would have done without any of you by my side. Gosh, I would have felt so alone in this place. I laugh as I recollect how we met on the very first day, and I still remember the drama vividly. I will sorely miss the moments where we would drive each other up the wall, the moments where we discussed scandals, moments where we bitched about studies and were seriously depressed. Crazy moments. Happy moments. We were there for each other, and our days with each other were priceless; and no one can take them away.
All the memories are like pictures running through my mind, like that of mental polaroids. And each one is connected with a sweet memory, each one with a beautiful story behind it.
I sit in silence, and suddenly all I long for is the noise. Of my classmates talking about the latest
issues, discussions and such. I miss listening to my friends gossip about certain targets of the day.
Regardless. Its those changes you go through, throughout the 1.5 years; that moulded you into the character you are today. Yes, you've learnt your formulae, hypotheses and principles well. But more importantly, you grew and you learnt about life.
And you've learnt your lesson well.
You realize how time did fly by. Once, you thought you were going to be in INTEC forever, looking back on your days as a junior when the seniors were giving you advice on how to survive AusMat. Ah yes, those were also the days where you used to believe time seemed to crawl.
Little girl.
You've grown up quite a bit haven't you? Back then you used to be a caterpillar, dreaming for a pair of wings to set you free and soak up the sun, to go out into a world full with possiblities fearlessly.
Guess what? Now, you're a butterfly, and it's about time to soar. So don't be afraid to spread your wings, and prepare to fly. Swallow your apprehension, take a deep breath and hold on tight.
It's about time to go out into the sun.
To exchange your narrow little cocoon for the entire world. Its yours for the taking. And you know, you'll do yourself proud.
I can't believe how time did fly and now we're standing here,
Sadness descends, crushes my lungs, but i blink away my tears,
Suddenly, I want to go back and relive all these past years
It encompasses every single thing that i hold dear
And i feel so foolish for entertaining faded memories
But I can't deny there's too much here that i'll miss
That even as i turn to leave, I'm still looking back
Smiling bravely, waving, keeping up this act,
But i take a deep breath, it's time to move on
The world is calling, and soon i'll be gone
Chasing after my dreams, and making them a reality
And maybe as time goes by I'll forget, inevitably
But should i look back, there's much reason to smile
I had the time of my life, and it was all worthwhile.
The thing is this.
The curtain's closing fast. And for a moment, I don't want to take my final bow. For a moment, I don't want to say goodbye just yet. There's a sadness tugging at my heartstrings, because I know, that regardless of how much I want to relive every moment with you all, time will move on and pull us further away from each other.
the thing is i'm not ready for goodbye.
and that I'll miss all of this far too much.
kiasu times. happy times. gila hyper times. crazy times.
To pick a favourite moment? Nah. That's not gonna work. The thing is, I love you all so much, I struggle to mouth even the word goodbye.
Yes. I am bloody sad and I miss you guys as I look back at pictures of us in sem one, looking at the way we were.
*sighs*.
*crawls under blanket.*
*..crying a bit...*
are you struggling with the same emotions just as I am?
Still.
You all were there for me when i needed you most, and you never let me down.
Thank you for the memories and for loving me just as i am.
What would I have done without you?
:').
*Nadia Nicole binti Abd Halim*
